This Everyday Love...

This chapter is called "It's time to get back to blogging" or "A New Journey"

2007-12-17T20:54:00.000-08:00

For the past few months I have really been feeling a pull from God towards Biblical literacy. As far as Biblical literacy goes at the moment I'm pretty far behind considering where I should be. I look at Muslims as a whole and have a profound respect for them- not only do they know their scripture but they know ours as well, often times better than WE know the Bible, and they have no problems proving that to us. How can we say that we believe in God and that we follow HIs will for us when we don't even know what He has to say about things. Pulling random verses from Sunday School out doesn't necessarily count either. That was fine as a child but now that I am an adult I must leave behind childish ways (hey maybe I do know my Bible!). It is time for a deeper understanding of the word so that I can pull out verses and actually understand what they mean in context. It is much harder to twist God's word to what we want when we take it in context!

Over the next, well, I don't know how long this will take me but I will be digging into the Bible cover to cover reading and studying the Bible for better understanding. I pray that I will be doing this out of love and not because I feel obligated. I want this to be a joy but I also recognize that there will be times that this will seem to be a tedious task and in those times I pray for the strength to "fake it til I make it" as they say, that I will have the strength to persevere through the hard times until it becomes a joy again. PLease keep me in your prayers and keep reading. I will be posting regularly on my progress and sharing my thoughts on what I read. PLease keep the feedback coming!

Food for thought

2007-07-31T20:02:00.000-07:00

After reading Caryn's most recent blog I was inspired to write my thoughts on the environment/global warming subject.

I have often wondered why it isn't Christians that we as leaders in the fight for our world. Don't get me wrong- I am not completely naive and I recognize that our planet goes through cycles and phases but even so WE ARE doing damage to it. The effects of global warming are vast and the way we act is not helping the situation. As Christians shouldn't this be a concern of ours? Didn't God leave us in charge of the land and the animals?

I am not saying that we all need to be extremists and change everything about our lives and start wearing only clothing made from hemp but there are plenty of small changes we can make everyday to make a difference. Here are a few ideas I have and I would love it if you guys could share your ideas with me (the 3 or 4 of you that read this).

- Keeping your grocery bags and bringing them back to the store to reuse them or for small or moderate purchases bringing a tote bag to fill instead of using grocery bags. (Ikea has some cute ones and I have one from Whole Foods that not only has the two small handles for carrying but also a nice shoulder strap, and its cute!)

- Buying a Nalgene or other reusable water bottle and using it many times rather than using many plastic bottles.

-Recycling: whether that means putting bottles and cans in the green bin at your curb or giving clothes you no longer need to a friend or The Salvation Army box- every little bit helps.

- Using energy saver light bulbs

- Carpooling

That's all I can think of at this late hour but if I think of more I will be sure to post them!

The thoughts that fill my head...

2007-07-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

It just dawned on me that I haven't blogged in quite awhile and there are so many things to write about. WARNING: this blog may come out in a completely random and haphazard manner so this is not for the faint of attention span: you may need prior experience in "Spider Webbing" (a term used by a Christian counselor to describe how women will start on one point, go off on multiple tangents but somehow by the time she is done will have completed all of her thoughts and points) to navigate this blog.

So we have a new addition in the MacLean household. My friend Cait was kicked out of her house recently and my parents took her in. This has been a great cause for concern on my part. How will she adapt to our lifestyle? Will she be able to abide by the rules set out by my parents? Will she be able to accept what has happened and have the maturity to deal with it? Lastly, will I be able to deal with having her around 24/7? I know that last question sounds selfish considering the situation but it is something I worry about- it has taken me 17 years to figure out how to live with my sister and we still have problems occasionally! Will our friendship be able to survive living together? The last time we lived together was in college and that was tough on our friendship- mind you I was her R.A. so that was added strain but still. I also feel for my dad who is now the only male in house with four women! (Maybe he and Alistair can start a support group!)

On a completely separate note- I miss Matt. We were definitely spoiled having apartments right across the hall from each other. We had our boundaries but we were able to see each other whenever we wanted to. I always had someone to watch The Office with and play games with and laugh with and as much as I am enjoying the freedom to hang with my friends I miss him terribly. He only lives about an hour away but having to work around both our busy schedules is not easy.

I went back to the corps last Sunday and it was fantastic. I hadn't realized until I walked through the door how much I had missed it. Being welcomed by the corps members, listening to the band and even babysitting all felt like a piece of my heart that had been missing had finally been put back in place. It's good to be back and I look forward to getting to know the corps all over again.

I am mourning the end of the Harry Potter series. I read the first book ten years ago when it was published so for an entire decade I have had the anticipation of finding out what would happen next to Harry, Ron and Hermione. THe last book was the perfect ending to the series but still- I am sad to see them go. (This is almost as sad as when Friends ended)

Updates

2007-04-25T04:04:00.000-07:00

So I have a few things to post about today...

THe first is that I finished teaching my unit on Friday. The whole week went SO well and I received a lot of praise from other teachers. It was so much fun and I really can't wait to have my own classroom.

The second is that I had a presentation in my science class today. My partner and I took a big risk in making our presentation exciting and funny rather than dull and boring but it was fabulous! The whole class was laughing including our professor- he loved it and we have an A+!

Even with both of these exciting moments I am really stressed out. It is the last week of classes which means billions of projects due and then next week is finals which means exams and presentations. I am excited to be so close to done but I feel like I will never make it across the finish line. I am so overwhelmed- last night, thanks to working on projects, I only got 4 hours of sleep instead of my usual 8- it does not feel good.

My life soundtrack

2007-04-17T05:21:00.000-07:00

I found this on Caryn's blog and thought it looked like fun so here goes..

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and alot of the songs fit with the setting

Opening Credits: (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones (Wow. Let's see where the rest of this goes...)

Waking Up: Mama Said by The Shirelles

First Day At School: Alright by Supergrass

Falling In Love: 100 Years by Five for Fighting (I can't make this up!)

Fight Song: Whip It by Devo

Breaking Up: Walk On by U2

Prom: Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin (I didn't go to prom but I LOVE this song)

Life: The Song of the Heart by Prince (from the Happy Feet Soundtrack, this is a perfect song for this one- I love it)

Mental Breakdown: Where Did You Go? by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones (nice)

Driving: No Particular Place to Go by Chuck Berry (this song is nothing if not a driving song)

Flashback: Cry Ophelia by Adam Cohen (umm wow)

Getting back together: I've Got to See You Again by Norah Jones

Wedding: Tiny Dancer by Elton John (a few months ago I would have said this didn't fit but recently I discovered that Matt does an amazing rendition of this song karaoke style- I love that man, he makes me laugh like no one else can!)

Birth of Child: Baby's Got Sauce by G. Love and the Special Sauce (okay- technically this is about his girlfriend being better than everyone else's but you know I can take it as my kid being cooler than all the others, at least in my eyes, to everyone else s/he will probably be a big dork just like me)

Final Battle: Footloose (awesome)

Death Scene: Always Something There to Remind Me (haha! nice)

Funeral Song: Season of Love from Rent (perfection)

End Credits: All Right Now by Free

I really like this mix... try it and post your results

Confirmation...

2007-04-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

Don't you love it when it dawns on you that you are doing exactly what God has planned for you? Yesterday was the first time that I had to teach an actual class of children. Sure, I have written billions of lesson plans before but those have always been presented to my peers in a college classroom, never to the real people group I will be teaching.

I am taking a class right now and I am the only one who signed up for it, one on one attention is amazing when learning how to write lessons! Since I was the only one I had no outlet to present it so we asked the director of the nursery school where I work and she and the teacher invited me to teach for a week! I had to write an entire thematic unit and am currently teaching it.

I was so nervous yesterday morning. I had planned for weeks and arrived at the classroom an hour early to set up but could not calm my nerves- I was not nervous with the children or even with my plans, I was nervous about my professor, the teacher, and the director all observing me. It is tremendous pressure to not just have one master teacher observe but three!

Well, the day went off without a hitch! The kids were cooperative and loved the activities I had planned and I got compliments from the director, teacher, my prof AND other teachers in the building.

Growing up an officers' kid you always feel that pull that you HAVE to be an officer or at the very least go into ministry, for a long time I had felt that I might be making a mistake considering the officer to civilian ratio in my family but every time I step into a classroom I am reminded why I didn't go to the training school.

I love my job and I love that someday I will have a classroom of my own (though I don't always enjoy all the work that goes into getting there!).

Update

2007-03-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

Today was Pajama Day at work (I work at a Nursery School by the way). It was a beautiful thing being able to be THAT comfortable at work.

Also, as of last Friday I am down another 2.6 pounds- so I am at a total of 5.2 pounds lost! I am very excited and feel so good about getting into shape. I did Pilates recently and the burn felt SO good!

Embracing Change

2007-03-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

So I finally did it. For Lent this year I decided to give up all of my excuses for letting myself go and being so horribly unhealthy and out of shape- it was definitely time for a change. On Feb 23rd I joined Weight Watchers- having accountability is a beautiful thing. I weighed in again this past Friday and I am down 2.5 pounds! I have so much further to go but I know I can make it. I am determined to be a good steward of this body that God has given me.

I am not doing this to look cute and be able to wear smaller clothes nor am I doing this because Lindsay Lohan or (insert celebrity name here) is a size negative 2. I am doing this because:
- I want to be healthy
- I am an example to all of my students and kids I babysit and I would prefer to be a good example.
- I will someday have kids of my own and before they get here I would like to know a thing or two about hwo to take care of myself so that I can teach them how to take care of themselves.
- The body is a temple and should be treated that way.

So I am embarking on a new journey and I am really excited about it! I will try my best to update more often!

Answered prayer...

2006-10-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

God is good...

For the past few months I have been babysitting for a family that I just don't gel with. They are nice and decent people but some of their parenting ideas just do not coincide with my ideas. It was fine in the beginning and it paid the bills but recently it has just been really hard (for reasons I won't get into).

I truly could nto take it anymore. I wanted to quit but could not because I had no other source of income. Just as I was reaching my breaking point a new door opened.

This year I have an internship at a preschool in the 2s room (I LOVE it by the way!). One of the mothers recently asked for my number because her sitter graduated from Nyack and therefore could no longer babysit.

Not only do I really like the parents but the kids are fabulous too! It is two girls, ages five and two and they are just giant loveballs. The hours are perfect and the pay is better than the family I was working for. BONUS: She is a chef and knows how much I love to cook so she offered to teach me some new techniques! How cool is that? She also said that during holiday season she will pay me to help her cook if I am up for it (she caters). I am so excited- this family is a perfect fit for me AND they are right in town.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

Jack-O-Lanterns

2006-10-18T12:23:00.000-07:00

Tis the season- for pumpkin picking that is!

Each day as I walk to work I pass a house with Jack-O-Lanterns and it has got me thinking. How much are we, as Christians, like Jack-O-Lanterns?

First, we are growing in a patch, we are bumpy, and dirty and just all around gross. We are then picked, hand selected to be taken in. We then washed clean, already this sounds good enough but it goes further. We are then cut open and all of our junk is taken out of us. A smile is put on our face, but thats not all- we aren't left empty- a light is put inside of us so that all can see the change that has come over us.

Next time you see a Jack-O-Lantern remember that it isn't just something fun that kids do for Halloween it is also a vision of what God has done for us (and an object lesson waiting to happen!)

Self Portrait

2006-09-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

For my Fine Arts for Elementary Teachers class I was asked to do a "Self Portrait Collage." I am still not sure how I feel about the collage itself but it really caused me to think a little bit about who I am.

Who we are is truly molded and shaped and changed every single day by everyone we encounter. From our best friend from kindergarten, to that friendship that went awry, to our professors, pastors, parents and bosses, to that guy that cut us off on the way to work this morning each person can affect our day and our lives.

As I looked through old photos to find some to glue onto my sheet of oak tag and sat and traveled back to fond memories and mourned over friendships lost. I hate thinking of how things ended with certain people. It is inevitable that we will grow and change and grow apart from some friends, I only wish that certain relationships could have ended amicably and not with harsh words and crushed spirits.

I want to embrace every bit of life that my encounters brings me whether it means a five second passing by or a lifetime of friendship.

I'm Back

2006-09-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

So now that I am back at school my regular postings will resume. I have so many things to write now as I have gone have a summer without posting!

First, I moved into my first apartment!!!!!! I am starting to feel grownup- thankfully, being an officer's kid, I knew the basics of moving and what I would need. However, now I am feeling the craziness- the changing of the electricity into my name, changing my billing address for my phone and credit card, trying to decipher the difference between basic cable, family cable, silver and gold cable... TOO MANY CHOICES, and who honestly needs 400 CHANNELS! I now go grocery shopping and I cut coupons (NOT in that order)! AND I now monitor the amount of electricity I use... Dad would be proud. For all who would like to know here is my new contact info:

Address: 13 Francis Ave. Apt. 3B
Nyack, NY 10960
Cell: 973.234.8861

Second, I just started my junior year! I am now more immersed in lesson-plan writing and field experience planning than I ever thought possible. One of my tasks for field experience is actually to change a diaper. They are obviously unaware of all the babysitting and childcare I have done in my day. I have seen all varieties of "surprises" in a diaper and I am not even a parent yet! That task should be a breeze!

Yesterday Matt and I celebrated our 2 year Anniversary and it really made me reflect. I look around and see so many relationships (NOT celebrity, they don't count) that are so fleeting. People are astonished when they see that someone my age has been in ONE relationship for two years- then you throw out the "waiting for marriage" fact and people are floored! It is so sad to see how easily that idea has been brushed off in our society. I am so blessed to have found someone who knows me for who I am and still loves me not in spite of my quirks but because of them. And a bonus- Matt got me an iPod and a car adapter! WOOT! No more fussing about which CDs are in my car and which are in the house!

I am still alive...

2006-07-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

To all who read this blog (okay so its a total of four people but whatever)... I did not die. Sadly, I have been transfered based on severe need and am now the manager of the Thrift Store in Pompton Lakes (which is really close so you should all visit me!) So I no longer have internet access (we are in the dark ages at my house).

Carole my dear- I can be reached at my home number- as of right now my cell is pooped out- you can look me up in the dispo :)

Keep me all in your prayers this new job is quite a challenge, in SO many ways. I love you all!

Two and a Half Hours

2006-06-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

I stare out the window

at sunny skies, ble and white

From behind my desk

While Lotus replicates the clock ticks

Taunting me

I WANT TO BE OUTSIDE!

Feel the blades of green

Between my toes

watch bunnies and bears

form in the sky

while I lay on the ground

sipping iced coffee

and daydreaming

two and a half hours until

the bliss of the weekend

The Great Rescue!

2006-06-09T05:52:00.000-07:00

How cute is that?!

Okay- you may be wondering... "Why did she put up a picture of a bunny?" or "Why is there a bunny in a Dell box?" or "Why is there a bunny sitting on an afghan?" All these will be answered in the following story.

Yesterday when I arrived home from work I discovered a Caitlin King in my driveway. We went into my backyard to sit and talk and we saw a baby bunny in the middle of my backyard. This is not uncommon in Verona- they roam free and they certainly understand the command "Be fruitful and multiply" Cait decided to go over and see the bunny (it is very cute after all!) But as she approached it did not move- which is VERY uncommon, even in our backyard where bunnies have taken over. So, we both got close to see what the deal was and the bunny proceeded to drag himself across the lawn by his front legs- his hind legs were immobile! It was so sad to watch but he/she showed so much strength in its attempts to escape the grasp of two young girls.

We were both rather concerned for the safety of this young one as there is a very NASTY cat next door and we do not have fences in our backyards (hence the abundance of bunnies and deer). I can live with nature taking its course with a runt but NOT with Lucifer over there (in reference to the cat in Cinderella, not the Dark Prince) making this bunny its midnight snack!

I went inside and asked my Dad what we should do and he confirmed my concern- he had found a dead baby bunny in the yard the other day! This one was not going to suffer the same way (stinking cat!). My Dad went inside and got a box (isn't it nice how he caters to our girly ways as we sat and cooed over this wee thing) and I grabbed an afghan (green to recreate its natural habitat, haha) and some lettuce, shredded carrots, and diced apples. There was no need for a full on cage as its hind legs were immobile and therefore s/he could not hop out.

At first s/he seemed terrified, s/he was shaking and staring up at us, but then he calmed down, it seems he is growing accustomed to her/his perfumed guardians. (I really need to figure out if it is a girl or a boy). When I woke up this morning I found him/her alive and well- with its entire feast eaten! I put some more food in the box and headed off to work.

If it dies now I will know it was of natural causes and not from some cat, and if it lives, well, I wanted a pet anyway, and this will be less expensive than buying a dog.

I have decided that if it is a girl I will name it Hope, and if it is a boy, Lucky (only because Hope is a little too feminine for a boy).

Feeling old...

2006-06-05T12:44:00.000-07:00

It's funny what can make you feel older- its hard to believe that I am able to decide our country's president, go to war, or- the subject of this blog, serve on a jury- me, who plans to make her living teaching toddlers everyday, running around singing songs like "Do the Dragon" and fingerpainting. I am the biggest kid inside and I have to go and act like an adult. I know I can do it- I've seen me do it before, but really, they want me making a decision that can seriously effect someone else's life. When did I become an adult? Apparently somewhere between youth band trips, research papers, and yearbook meetings I missed that transition.

Right now I am just praying that I will have an open mind, an unbiased opinion, and fair judgement, and okay, I am also hoping it will be a cool trial- let's be honest I don't want to trade my $11/hour for $5/day for nothing. (I'm not being selfish I promise- I am thinking about tuition bills) Though somehow I don't anticipate real-life living up to the fabulous closing arguments of Sam Watterson on Law and Order- we shall see.

I also realized that this is certainly going to test my will power to keep things to myself- I am not allowed to talk about the trial to anyone... do you think talking to your pastor counts? Because if I am allowed to talk to Carole about it I will be okay :)

As much as I joke about it I do recognize that this is actually a huge responsibility (hence the making me feel older). I am going to be a part of the Essex County Judicial system. This should be interesting...

Reflections...

2006-06-03T14:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you reflect back on a time in your life you are excited about how much you have grown and changed- that is not the case today. Though I feel that this year has been good for me and I have learned a lot about myself, I can't help feeling sad too.

I am looking back on friendships that have fallen through the cracks and I so many what ifs pop into my had. Did I not make enough effort, did I not show enough love, was I too selfish, self-centered, and horrible? Did we just grow apart or did do something? And even with all of that did I throw in the towel too early rather than fighting for it.

I know that we all grow and change and friendships change too but I can't help feeling like I am to blame.

How do you know if the things that have changed in you are for better or for worse? I feel as if I have grown in a good way but if that is the case why do so many people see it otherwise? I feel like I am a twelve year old girl again... funny how every time you think you have figured yourself out reality comes and slaps you in the face again.

I am ever a work in progress...

On a lighter note- the concert was beyond amazing! I had so much fun with my friends and the bands were ALL great (even opening acts which was a shocker to me!).
I will get pics up as soon as I get a chance!

So Much Excitement!

2006-05-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

It is certainly a BEAUTIFUL day! There are several reasons why this day is so fabulous:
1. I AM GOING TO SEE RASCAL FLATTS TONIGHT!!! 2. Matt is coming to visit for the weekend! :)

3. Its payday.
Oh what a fabulous day...

Generations

2006-05-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning the bathroom yesterday and I am a person who needs background noise while cleaning anything. As I flipped through my CD binder I came across this CD which I hadn't listened to in awhile and popped it in. As I listened to her song, Generations, I really started thinking (that's right- I can have serious revelations while scrubbing a shower with a toothbrush). In the past when I heard this song I automatically thought about th generational sins that had come before me, I would always place blame on others for the things that faced me today. However, something about this time was different, maybe it was the soap scum and Magic Eraser that humbled me, I started reflecting on myself and thinking about how my decisions and actions would affect my children, and their children, and so on...

Imagine that everything you do can be a cure or a blessing on your great-grandchildren... man, what an impact... my little things (getting angry at that guy that cuts me off on the parkway, talking about that girl with the too short shorts, etc) are all affecting the future, their struggles will be that much bigger because I lost sight of His will. That is huge.

Here's the lyrics for you if haven't heard the song before...

I can taste the fruit of Eve. I'm aware of sickness death and disease. The resultsof her choices were vast. Eve was the firstbut she wasn't the last. If I were honestwith myself, had I been standing at thattree, my mouth and my hands would be coveredwith fruit. Things I shouldn't knowand things I shouldn't see
CHORUS: Remind me of this with every decision.Generations will reap what I sow. Ican pass on a curse or a blessingto those I will never know.
She taught us to fear the serpent. I'mlearning to fear myself and all of thethings I am capable of in my search foracceptance, wisdom and wealth. To saythe devil made me do it is a cop-outand a lie. The devil can't make me doanything when I'm calling on Jesus Christ
CHORUS
To my great-great-great-granddaughter,live in peace. To my great-great-great-grandson,live in peace. To my great-great-great granddaughter,live in peace. To my great-great-great-grandson,live in peace, live in peace.
CHORUS
Eve was the first but she wasn't the last.